So it’s been a little while since I added any new posts on here, call it a mix of holiday and work busyness but I’m back with my swishy new MacBookAir ( which I have to say is very pretty and going to make my train journeys so much more enjoyable) and of course is going to make my blog writing a lot easier than on an iPad. Hopefully I will get back to a couple of posts a week.
I’ve wanted to write this ever since I got back from holiday because it’s linked with going on holiday but more precisely being a minority on Holiday.
Now I’ve not really said much on social media about the Orlando shooting several weeks ago. Rob and I were on Holiday in Mexico when it happened and like so many we were horrified by this act of violence. Not just because of all those innocent lives lost but how close to home it is for the gay community.
Just days later I heard two girls chatting and they mentioned the shooting and one of them said “Im not sure why gays all have to go to gay clubs & places for” and her friend agreed.
Obviously this shocked me and my eyes rolled so far around, I’m sure they saw my brain!
You see this is what some people don’t realise, we gays don’t just go to a gay club or a straight club, we go everywhere because we should and we can – of course within reason and safety.
Which leads me to Gays going on Holiday. Sounds silly even writing that but I guess most people don’t have to think about if they fit in on holiday?
Now Rob and I have been on holiday a fair bit to places such as Greece, Tenerife, Turkey, Australia, America, Sweden, and see ourselves as just another couple on holiday. Each year we, like many Brits love to get away for a 2 week sun soaked holiday to pretend we still know what summer feels like.
We usually go with a holiday operator like Thomas Cook or First Choice, and the Top things we look for is good weather, good food and good cocktails and of course is the country safe and do they like (and not execute homosexuals?)
I’d say 99% of the time we get it right, it’s everything we could wish for in a holiday but the one thing we can’t change is people’s reactions and behaviour shown to two men travelling together on holiday.
Now there are gay holiday companies, gay popular destinations and gay only holidays but it’s just not our cup of tea. I know friends who went on a gay cruise and from everything I heard it sounded so far from what we enjoy on holiday but hey each to their own that’s what life is all about….doing what makes you happy.
I think to give you an idea of what it’s like to be a minority on holiday, I need to take you through a typical day on holiday.
Walking from your room to breakfast – now when we see another couple or a family we will naturally say hi or at least smile, I don’t understand people who aren’t happy on holiday. We saw a couple pretty much everyday as we left our room and apart from a half smile from the Mrs on Day one, we got nothing for the rest of the holiday. Hmm maybe just not morning people? but we have found it to be like this on a daily basis on holiday.
Fine no problem. But even walking around the resort, the pool, the bar no one really seemed to want to associate with the two men both wearing wedding rings. Yes have you ever watched someone trying to work out how you know each other and they look at your wedding rings?
So Breakfast – Now it’s funny the 1st day of holiday, it’s always exciting eating breakfast because lets be honest how often do you have a huge buffet to select from for breakfast?Day one we walk in & a pick a table for two.
Now people like to stare, it’s a given that people like to watch other people on holiday
But in our case the stare’s would go from the non blinking stare, to the stare “say something to your partner, get him/her to turn around and look then laugh” to the bemused look some folk gave us like we had walked in with a bowl of fruit on our heads!
Now add lunch and dinner to this and it goes from being nothing as we are on holiday and we don’t care to being about Day 7 & I’m normally so over the routine of walking into the buffet to the stare’s that I don’t really want to eat. But maybe I’m just being paranoid, let’s get to the pool.
Rob & I like all couples sit together and sunbathe together but probably unlike most couples we don’t display any public displays of affection. Could we?…. maybe and should we?… well yeah but we don’t. This one day there was a brief 20 minute rain storm, and we jumped in the pool like many others did. All the others couples seemed to gravitate towards one another and get into various stages of hugging, kissing, and umm fondling with their respective other. While it annoyed me, Rob and I discussed that we don’t PDA in public so its no bother but then discussed do we just not do it because it’s frowned upon?
See my other blog post on “why my husband and I don’t hold hands in public”
I think the worst was the night we had one of our al a carte meals in the fancy pants French restaurant. In we walked all dressed up, well dressed up holiday style so we had trousers on instead of shorts 🙂 The usual stares as two men together enter and are seated in front of one another. Fine. The tables either side of us glare then discuss and glare some more. Ignore and enjoy I tell myself. The thing is to some people it might be fun for them to be the centre of attention but just being yourself doing what everyone else is doing it can be frustrating.
Say for instance the woman who walked in with a backless dress, of course everyone (mostly men) had a good stare. Her boyfriend probably should have been glaring at all these other men checking out his missus but instead spent his evening glaring at us, like we had offended him?!
Now to the bar for a drink, we sit down and the waiter takes our order. The glares begin and I’m glad I’ve ordered something strong to drink. The entertainment is a guy with a saxophone playing (pretty badly) love songs. He then starts walking around serenading each table of couples. Of course he skips ours which of course we are ecstatic about but more because we are worried about what other people think.
So back to that conversation I heard between the two girls and that question.
“I’m not sure why gays all have to go to gay clubs & gay places for?”
We go to gay clubs and gay places because that’s where we feel we can be ourselves without the glares & stares and dirty looks. Yes homophobia is being stamped out more and more but when we choose to blend in with everyone else there are still those who make us feel unwelcome.
The other side of this topic when we have mentioned this to our friends they are shocked to hear which reminds me that one day we can truly be equal as we are already accepted in so many places.
Many of those who died in the Orlando shooting were having the time of their lives in a safe environment where they could be themselves and were not part of a minority and were accepted. RIP xx