I’ll probably never be a Father, but that’s OK

OK another kinda serious post to my blog but when I started this blogging gig I knew the kind of person I am, I’m pretty open and honest and I don’t mind sharing what’s on my mind with the world. Who would think I work in HR!! ( Note:I am actually very good at keeping other people’s business to myself!)

I always wanted kids when I was older, when I’ve asked my mum what she would have done if she hadn’t met Dad got married and had kids, she said that’s all she ever wanted…..a family. So I guess for me I always had that want for a family of my own.

Now as we know life, mother nature, god or whoever up there, decided that I would follow a different path or shall we say the yellow brick road 🙂

I always remember especially later in my teenage years how much I wanted the whole big four bedroom house, a great job, lovely wife and 4 kids (including a set of twins!) Yeah I wasn’t asking for much but that’s what I wanted.

As I entered my twenties, I dealt with , mostly internally a battle between one part of my brain telling me I was gay and the other telling me /reminding me of the family I wanted to create. But it’s easy to ignore in your early twenties, most people my age were just enjoying life, no-one was really getting married or having kids and working in hospitality was a great industry to let your hair down and party.

Cut to turning 26 and my dad had recently passed away which of course gives you a new perspective on life and a new clarity to make some life decisions. Well actually no it didn’t, instead I decided to run off to the UK.  Read More here 

http://www.rucomingout.com/matt-wokingham.html

Well at least it helped me come out and I was a happy gay man, but I still had that longing for a family of my own. Watching someone you created grow and learn from you, and as they grow older watching them grow into adults and starting a family of their own.

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But I knew through my own upbringing and of course society told me that only men and women have babies.

There are great ways to tell yourself you don’t want something. A few small questions to myself and I was over it

Q)”Do I want to pass this nose onto a child?”

A) Nope no child deserves this honker!

Q) “Will society treat my child the same, even though they have 2 fathers?”

A) Probably Not

Q) “Are we set up financially to have a child?”

A) Well is anybody!!

I think we all do this in life.

The next phase was the “ok I might have a baby, one day and help someone out” but again I wanted to meet someone myself so the option of having a child was passed to the very back of my mind.

Meeting Rob when I was 31, still kids weren’t totally out of the question but in a twist of events Rob had a teenage son who amazingly accepted me and we get along great, he was Rob’s best man at our wedding and has grown to be a fine young man.

Although he was 18 when we met I can say I have a stepson and would do anything for him.

People are always asking me (I say me because I need to stop speaking for my husband in my blog posts)  if we will have kids one day as we would be great parents. It’s always nice to hear but I always answer ” Not likely, but you never know”

I know people realise it’s not as simple but the ways of making it happen are certainly not as easy as getting drunk or forgetting to use protection.

Off course this is by no means a “feel sorry for me” situation, nothing makes me sadder than hearing of a couple who cannot have a child through no fault of their own, again sometimes god has other plans. I accept this is our choice, even if it’s not a choice I feel I have had total control over.

Now at almost 38, will I have a biological child? probably not. Does it make me sad, I would be lying if I said No but if I never have a child I’m ok with that. I do feel judged by society sometimes, people think as we don’t have kids we are always on holiday or we don’t like children, where as people couldn’t be further from the truth.

It’s true having nieces and nephews does make a difference, being an uncle is great & I am a great stepfather.

And if this is it then that’s great too.

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6 thoughts on “I’ll probably never be a Father, but that’s OK

  1. Interesting blog post. I think it is fantastic, but I wouldn’t worry so much about society. My view is that there are probably many people out there who see it being a very explicit choice whether or not to have children as a good thing (I know some people who struggled to conceive naturally for a long time and know some people who didn’t plan on having a child). Also, for me, if I were to choose to have a child, I would not really care about society (there are many others out there who would be questionable as parents who don’t get to explicitly choose!) – however, that said, my biggest concern is the very, very long-term commitment of having a child. It is basically for life.

    We have had dogs for the last 12 years and I love them to bits, but it is a responsibility that ties you down – I think children would compound that responsibility and for me, that is the main reason I currently choose not to have children. Also, probably the fact that it isn’t a free, fun thing to do as a gay man to conceive a child, adds to the barrier of entry to parenthood!!!

    Make the most of what you have, rather than regretting what you don’t 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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